The pain game

**First, a shout out to my Endo sisters! I have noticed I haven't been getting as many comments and hoping its not because I have posted about PTing with my kid. Even though I have one, I want to acknowledge your pain because I was once there... I do get it. I try not to post much about it because I do not want to offend anyone or make you feel sad, its just sometimes that's what my life consists of and with my pain on top of it I feel like people need to know how hard it is with all of this crap we go through. So.... I hope I haven't offended anyone, I will try to tone it down and not write whole blogs about situations surrounding that.**

I am feeling like I am an ex drug addict or something that needs a fix, except that I have a reason to actually want the drugs. I am in lots of pain and have been lately because of the below freezing temps. My bones/joints have been aching. Even though I stopped taking any kind of sleep aid(because it was causing more nausea) I am having huge issues with nausea again for no reason.... AGAIN.

So frustrated that I do not have any meds and the new doctor that I saw about a month ago said that for Fibro they only mask when you're overdoing it... but even then its like what about days I'm not exercising and am in massive pain? I don't need to worry about it masking anything because I cant move in the first place. With my Endo I am in pain, I got off of continuous Birth Control Pills since after 7 yrs the risk for stroke and all of that goes up and since I gained like 80lbs from the Lupron I don't like risks like that. So Ive been off of those for about 4 months and besides my period pain which since my surgery where they removed my peritoneum and did the pre-sacral neurectomy hasn't been half as bad. It still isn't fun. Plus, the rest of the month I still have lots of pain with Endo and dysfunctional pelvic floor and if I eat gluten by accident. Since being off the bcp's too I am very PMS woman, I flip out or cry SO easily and I don't even see it until my period comes and I go.... Oh... that's why I feel like this. Which is so not me and never has been before this.

I have a dentist appt on Monday and nervous they are going to say I need a bunch of work done. When I was a teen I had braces and they put a permanent retainer on the top on my mouth behind the 2 front teeth... looks like a staple. My bottom teeth are worse now then when I had braces and I did wear my retainer and all of that crap... so needless to say I have massive headaches which are probably associated with that. Now that little retainer rubs against one of my teeth and is causing a little rift in it... maybe I need braces again. My parents paid a big amount of money and now I will have to pay for it all over again in my adulthood??? Ridiculous. We will see. I have TMJ and last time I went to the dentist they told me that I did and that there isn't too much you can do, but I have found exercises for it online and such. I just have had all kind of bone issues since that Lupron so its like even when I do things for problems I have I feel like they don't get fixed like they should.

I'm not depressed just still irritated with things in my life, or people. Oh. Didn't make it to the funeral yesterday... was in too much pain. Felt bad but its not like the person was there really... and my mom told me she had been buried last week technically I guess. So ugh... maybe I will play in the snow today.....