Thankful

Today was a trying day. I had barely slept when I finally felt tired enough to go to bed, my hips were excruciating and my pelvic pain shot down my thighs it was awful. I woke up early then headed out the door to spend time with some extended family. There is so much drama in my family, its been ongoing set of crap because of B and recently was weighing heavily on me. I only have one sibling and he just doesn't care to have me or my kid in his life. He is that way towards my parents now too but not as much as he is to me. I even tried to extend out an olive branch to a holiday get together, and I found out he straight up blocked me in every way possible.... it really feels like hate towards me at this point. How can you hate your sister so much that a invite and saying I still love you and miss you turn into what it is? I just cannot understand and my mom has tried to tell me that he she had a sibling do that she wouldn't even try anymore, its just hard for me because I literally did nothing so there is nothing I can fix, yet I feel the need to fix the situation. I was also told that he has so much going on that he probably just cant handle dealing with how he feels towards us/working it out with us. Again, I just cannot comprehend this due to I have been having chronic pain since I was 16 and had horrible things happen to me etc... yet I have never treated anyone like that family or not.

But.... the good news is I am thankful. I am very thankful I do have what good health I do. I am thankful I have a great kid and a wonderful husband. I am thankful for the family I do have and are worth being in my life. While things obviously aren't perfect I am a better person for knowing the things I do, and going through the things I have. I guess I am gearing up for thanksgiving because all I can think of is I am thankful.

Straight up

Do you ever find yourself asking "why?"... Why am I pushing myself? Why do I try to remain so positive for others when some of them don't do anything but remain negative? I'm taking it upon myself to be even more blatantly honest than I was before.... some people don't seem to understand things and it seems no one is willing to say things up front... I will be the jerk. This wont be my first time, I just cant handle stupidity anymore while I am in pain. For me to be honest with others(no matter how it makes me look) makes me more positive in the end and hopefully it'll help others to get their life on track too. I'm not going to be mean or put anyone down because that isn't my style, but I cannot tell a lie!

Still training and I feel like its making me feel better overall. Its still tough but I am starting to kind of love it. My husband even knows now not to tell me bad news before a workout because I freak out... but if he waits until after I'm like ok, whatever man, its all good! I feel like I am doing more things in life overall that I have done in years... sometimes its a little overwhelming though. I find myself getting frustrated while I am out and about smiling, happy, loving life and then my pain starts hitting me and I'm reminded of how it goes. I try to get home in time enough to keep the pain manageable. Days like today I didn't get home soon enough, but I was letting my kid enjoy a play date for a little bit longer. While I hate the pain, I loved seeing my kid play and enjoy her friend. I'm sure there will be plenty is times I will have to leave something early and LO will suffer too so why not take a little more pain once and a while so a kid can have some fun for once. So many kids never get the chance to stay a child for long, I want to try and keep mine for as long as I can.