Currently I am feeling very done with all the BS. I am in pain and I do not have the energy to sit there and explain to people why I am mad or that I am not really socializing because I just cant handle anymore crap. For example, I forget things easily and I know that so I mark things on a calendar so I know if I have plans or appts etc.... well I am going to a family friend's funeral later today and I was supposed to meet up with M and drive over, but now last night she tells me she possibly either had plans or just made plans to meet B(of whom treats her like shit and is very selfish) because he has his kids this weekend, but if she doesn't hear from him today then she will call and THEN we can meet up and drive together.
One, that fucking sucks that she is putting me 2nd after making plans with me, so no I am not going to say ok if she calls me and wants to drive with me. Two, she is one who made the deal of not discussing B because anyone who talks with her about him ends up getting mad because she defends his selfishness, so here we are again discussing him. Three, she already saw his kids last night so its not necessary to ditch me, if she hadn't seen them already I would overlook this a little more.
M and I have been very close for a long time and this is just really getting to me. Ever since B moved back to this state things have been so full of drama. Don't get me wrong, I love B but the choices he makes make it hard to... he is just kind of twisted. I love his kids and want to see them but he doesn't bother to get them together with us, so I am going to get together with his ex because eventually he is going to move out of state again with his job and I want have an ok relationship with his ex so we can actually see the kids.
All of this makes my stomach go into knots, causes me physical and mental pain. Yet I feel like I cannot even talk about it and try to get it fixed. I understand its a weird situation for them, I get it. I'm not saying choose sides I'm just saying do not discuss it and stop letting his BS rub off on her. She is menopausal so she kind of taking things the wrong way than I would expect, it makes me feel like there is no "good time" to talk about anything. So, I keep my distance and when I am encouraged to see him, I decline politely. At some point though, I am going to flip... because its all just building up.
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