Learning and Living

I have noticed that even though I am blessed enough to be married and have found a good guy, I still feel alone in my illnesses. I wonder if other people with chronic pain conditions feel similar whether they are surrounded by people or all alone? Because even when you talk to others about your current experiences some of the normals just dont care to hear about it unless it involves them. Sometimes its hard to take,  I can understand where they dont want to hear about it because its usually the same thing all the time. I try to explain to people or their loved ones that even though you may be sick of hearing your loved one talk about pain, or letdowns, etc with illness you need to realize they LIVE with it every-single-day. How frustrating it is... day in and day out no matter what I seem to change in my diet or lifestyle, it stays the same or gets worse, doesnt seem to get better. Yet here I am trying, still trying after all this time and will continue to until I die.

Sometimes I am exhausted(currently) with trying to either please others or just trying to get them to hear me. I feel like even if I screamed in their faces they would just go along their merry ways, saying stupid shit like "You look fine to me" "You seem ok" "Must be nice to just sit at home". Well besides using ALL of my energy to raise kids and then running out before I can even take care of me, then getting bad news, worse news.... it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out why so many of us feel down even when we try to remain positive.

I personally dont think its a bad thing because without feeling depressed once and a while due to our situations I dont think we could appreciate the simple things we appreciate over others. We probably wouldnt be as compassionate as most of us are. Even though I am in far more pain that I used to be I think I value my life more, my quality isnt the best because I cant do all the things I wish. The things that I do though, they are wonderful! I only do things I want to at this point, still learning to say no, but usually doing what I want... what I need. Our lives are so short and even though we cant do many things we may want to do, maybe it just wasnt in the cards to do. Maybe its a sign for things to come, as my mom has said, "You have paid your dues, your future is filled with good Karma." I believe it too.