Results are in

Remember how I had 4 biopsies from all over my body done about 2 wks ago? Well I finally got the results when I went in to get my stitches taken out. ALL of those biopsies were pre-cancer, the one on my neck is the most advanced version. Which means once my neck is a little more healed in about 2 more wks from the original biopsy the doctor has to go into the next layer of skin deeper and cut all through that even bigger area to make sure all the cancer cells are cut out. Because they all came back pre-cancer he did a once over to make sure even ones that are just kind of yucky looking would get taken off, so I will have one more taken from my back.

I am not meaning to be dramatic but this freaks me out. I was expecting to go in and everything be benign, so its shocking that each one had a nice chance for cancer but the neck one especially. I'm glad I am doing all that I am, but I cant help but be freaked out. I feel like there is so much death around me, its just hard to handle, to think if I wouldn't have noticed all of these changes myself...who knows what would've happened?

I got home and focused on the things that needed to be done and asked hubby to mail some stuff off and things like that. When he asked about the appt I told him, he seemed shocked too but then didn't say anything else. He had to leave early to help his grandpa with something, then went on his way. He calls me after his grandpa's house and he starts saying about how he hopes he doesn't have cancer or something when he goes into the dermatologist, then asks when he should go in???

 I have been trying to get him into a dermo for the last couple of years because he has this freak mole thing on his head that bugs me... and now when I come home from this appt after weeks of being depressed about my other health issues/fertility/etc he is not asking many questions or saying much at all about it. I told him it kind of sucked that he didn't say anything much when he was home with me, and we went back and forth. Eventually after me saying this just sucks I feel even more down than before, his reply was life sucks sometimes....so I hung up. I just cannot take it anymore, maybe the cancer thing would be easier and I should not go back and have them remove the rest... this chronic pain BS is really wrecking havoc on me. Don't know how to handle anything anymore. Feel like I am being looked at like I'm dramatic, but the thing is over the past 7yrs or even the past yr things just keep getting worse so its not like this is the only thing that has gone wrong health wise.

Whatever.