Fall Guy

I have been thinking... a little bit too much for my taste. It seems like a lot of us with fibro seem to over think things sometimes... or maybe its just me! I have been thinking of current people in our families life. And some that aren't so current but have been. I have been thought of as a "fall guy" for some folks and at this point I am not going to accept it. Maybe its this crap mood I am in or maybe its because when I look back at certain people and where it went wrong, they ended up taking NO(not even 1%) responsibility and blamed it on me. That is one thing I cannot stand. I feel like am a pretty up-front chick, not in a bitchy, in your face way but like I just ask whats going on if something seems weird and if people chose to not say anything I go on with life.

MIL- before xmas this last year she decided to tell hubby it was MY fault that she didn't come around more to see LO or him because I made her uncomfortable in some way. This was the first time ever hearing it. We had a huge discussion being as that she was a shit mom to hubby when he was growing up and never tried to fix anything(again that's a long and depressing story). So I'm sure I wasn't coming off overly bubbly but I was always polite towards her, I know my manners. I also said to her that I am always in pain and she would show up randomly and typically it was when it was really bad pain or after surgeries or tests. But I was even nicer from then on..... YET somehow.... she is not even around STILL. I mean she calls me and asks me for advice on shit quite often now due to her dad being ill but she doesn't update her son on it or come to visit LO. Example- today she decided to randomly drop this tree that she said her neighbor gave her at our house, and didn't even knock on the door or anything. The only reason I knew it was her is because I happen to look out the window to see why the dogs were barking. I WILL NOT BE YOUR FALL GUY ANYMORE.

Hubby's ex friend- he blames me for hubby not calling him or whatever for the last year or so. I told him hubby has had the same email address since high school if you wanted to reach him you could've, its a 2 way street. I will say I did like this guy like an annoying brother back when hubbs and I started dating. Once we moved out he puked into our couch and just left and didn't tell us, he looked at porn on our computer in our living room(in our TINY one bedroom place) where I couldve walked out into that, had his fathers friend call us on our honeymoon and leave a message about how fat, bitchy, etc on our voicemail, then when we had LO she was a couple months old he came to our house and played video games with hubbs and he sat there like 2 feet from LO and I and showed hubbs pictures on his cell phone which hubby told me later that night when he came to bed that they were naked women. Just a total disregard for respect for ANY women. Recently back in our life again.... and tried playing the blame game as if I had issues with him for no reason.... uh no... I had plenty of reasons and they didn't just stop they kept going on and on! I WILL NOT BE YOUR FALL GUY ANYMORE.

Brother- recently cut me out of his life and blames everyone else besides himself for anything that goes wrong in his life. After years of being treated like crap by him and his wife I didn't try so hard anymore. We talked at family gatherings but it wasn't like we were close like we used to be at one time. He decided to divorce his wife of whom he blamed for treating me and my parents like crap for over 8 yrs(when we asked why we were treated this way). I put all of those 8 yrs behind me, because he was my brother and I believed him. Then I saw the same old behaviors happening, and he has girlfriend who is stirring up trouble herself on top of it. I talked to his ex because I wanted to see my niece/nephew that was the only reason but she was nice and seemed changed. If he had ever bothered to see my kid or get all of them together then I wouldn't even have had to go there but considering he moves all the time our family should be able to talk to his ex because when he is gone again we all want to be able to see the kids. Unlike his ex, he didn't change at all. ALL the same old behaviors and some new ones happened. He knew I was talking to his ex for the kids sake and wanted me to get information out of her for the divorce(it was OK then for me to talk to her!), followed up by an email questioning all of what I do by his nosey mistress, which I chose to not respond. He texted and asked what I found out and I told him I wasn't going to be his spy and I also wasn't going to explain myself to his girlfriend, he then said I chose a side and cut me out completely. Yet even now I still have to deal with BS that he does because its effecting my parents and his kids. I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FALL GUY AGAIN...EVER.

I am not a perfect person even though I will admit I like to think I know all the answers. I will say that I do admit when I am wrong even if it takes me a minute to realize it. I don't blame everyone else for my own faults. Everyone is responsible for their own life and who is in it, and how they treat others.

My example is Lupron, I could blame all my issues on lupron(fat,fibro,etc)but while I may suggest that it caused some of problems, I know ultimately I was the one who chose to get the shot. I realize I was young and lied to but I was still the one. That's me taking responsibility for some of the biggest issues in my life right now. Why cant everybody take a second and think of how they truly are the ones impacting their lives good or bad?