I have this anger for myself and towards others(some of them deserve it). I am so sick of being sick. I hate looking at everyone else's FB profiles and see how they are partying it up or just having stupid things to worry about. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to isolate myself because you don't end up with that hurt of having to watch others live life so easily. Even when I give myself a positive spin on things I still end up with bad things, last time I ended up with those biopsy results. I am sick of being poked, prodded, and feeling diseased. I just want to be purely happy.
I told hubby at this point with how often I am sick and how not often I have a "normal"ish feeling I ONLY want to spend time with people who its worth it. I don't want to waste those moments of normalcy or ones that I know are going to send me into a flare with people who either don't care about us or that just aren't worth being around. I am sick of being that nice person who is always thinking of everyone else's feelings so I don't hurt them even when I am hurt. I'm just sick and angry.
1 comment:
I am completely with you on this. I have debated deleting my facebook but I love the Fun House and the community found there. It's so difficult to read all the "la la la" posts and not feel bad. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you feel a bit better. I am so up and down myself. Sometimes I think I can do this... I can be sick... but then I can't. Stop and go it seems. Good news followed by bad news... a horrible cycle. <3
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