Everyone has moments of laziness but I seriously am not that lazy, I really do try so hard to make myself appear normal to everyone else, to give myself a normal life. Some people are running marathons and running successful businesses and just overachieving. I am very happy for them don't get me wrong but I do have jealously about it. I wish that were me. I have tried lots of times to exercise not to run a marathon but to lose weight and I end up so stiff I can barely move and just in so much pain, I don't get to have lots of pain meds or a good doc to lean on... believe me Ive tried to find one. I have ideas for businesses but I don't have the back round for it and we don't have any money due to hubbs layoff last year and his hours are so back and forth right now.
I want to change. I changed certain looks of myself, hair, nails, clothes, whatever but it doesn't add up the same for me. I want something more. I guess it doesn't even boil down to jealously, it boils down to wanting feel good. Each of us feels different levels of pain all over our body, we all handle it differently, we are all just different but we have the similarity of the disease the pain in general. Someone may have a bunch of endo or been dealing with fibro for years and they may be pain free but a person with barely any endo or only had fibro for a year may be barely able to function.
I just wish there was a basis for what all of us with a certain illness should be expecting. Its sucks to have friends or family think you're full of it because they see "cures" all over online or that certain people are able to do simple daily tasks or do more fun activities so why aren't you?
So even though I know everyone is different why do I feel like such a Failure?
1 comment:
You aren't a failure! Sometimes we need to take baby steps. I know how you feel - I have days where I feel as if the whole world is passing me by. I'm praying for you!
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