This is kind of a progression of my last post. I am kind of disappointed which makes me feel lost. On top of the other crap, I was having bad intestinal pain that comes off as just stomach pains(bad ones) for the last 3 wks straight. I figured it was maybe some gluten I had eaten when my family was out, Ive been totally attached to my heating pad. Then yesterday I pooped blood. This isn't the first time ever this has happened. In the past doctors assumed its constipation (even if I say its not) or say maybe you have hemorrhoids(even without looking, plus I know what those feel like I had them post-child delivery). There really isn't any pain with it but it happened twice yesterday and once today. If it keeps happening I may have to go see the doc... yay.
I'm also upset because I feel like less than a person(hopefully that makes sense). I had talked to my dad about the whole "coming to the funeral" comment I talked about in my last post. He said he could see how I could see that or how for some people that may be true. He didn't say too much more about it, we got interrupted halfway into the discussion anyhow. But knowing I felt sad enough to even say that, makes me wonder why he doesn't care enough to call me and see if I am really ok, especially since the conversation never finished. I am learning to not expect anything from anyone, just because I hope for something isn't going to make it true. Plus I feel like to even hash it out with anyone isn't worth it anymore, I feel like a drama queen talking about anything in the past.
Just happened to have to jump up and answer the phone while typing this. It was hubb's co-worker saying they are only working one day next week. He suggested it was because one of the head guys was going to be out of town for vacation so it was probably due to that.... I was thinking must be nice. THEN his fucking co-worker has the nerve to say which I will be out town on vaca too so that works out great for me HAHAHAHA..... fuck you. His wife gets major money from disability to where if his hours get cut back it doesn't really matter. She has fibro too so I thought she would be all about research for a cure. But apparently when my hubbs went to work that day(May 12th) I asked if her husband had worn purple, he said the husband didn't even know it was awareness day.... I hate to judge but how the hell is your disease so bad yet you don't care enough to spread awareness so you can find a cure and get better??! I don't get people. We all hurt differently but even if I hurt less I would still spread the word for my chronic pain sista's out there. Seriously....
I feel like vomiting now....
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