Inner peace, even if the outside looks crazy!

I am deciding that I am going to pretend I am calm and then eventually my body will think I am. Its not like I wont stand my ground if I need to, because I will. I just finally figured out what I wanted to say to some folks, and I said it, nicely. Didn't seem like they really understood where I was coming from or what I wanted from them but whatever. I said what I needed to and am going to leave it at that. I need to find my inner peace. I need to my happiness to shine. Even my mom said that to me today that her and my dad needed to get back to being happy(before all my brother BS). That's sad to me that they have let this get to them, and their actions combined into pleasing him and his actions(which is the chain of events) has also obviously effected me. I love his kids and I will do anything I can for them. But I cannot try and live my life around my brother or his kids. Because right now all they are is pawns, they aren't old enough to choose where they want to go play or who they want to see and I understand that and wont ever blame them for not seeing me. I try to see them as much as possible, and have them play my LO. But I cannot go on trying to figure this fucking rubix cube of a relationship out. I still plan on a being the fun aunt they can come to as they get older and talk about whatever with.