So started off this morning talking to my mom about my niece and nephews upcoming birthday party which we were invited to by my soon to be ex- SIL. Its a very nice gesture and she doesn't have to do it, and I will be going to it with hubbs and LO. My mom said she is going to ask my brother if/when he is doing a party for them, she wants to do it at her house to where the kids can run around and swim or something. She mentioned nothing about inviting us to this which kind of sucks, just because my brother cut me out of his life apparently I don't get to come to certain events and if I am offended I am being "oversensitive". Lovely. Then she proceeds to tell me that if I want to drop my LO off the night before then she can play with his kids at the party... so again basically I am not invited. How nice. I got off the phone calmly and was kind of irritated.
Then called my grandmother who is another state who typically gets all of this stuff and thinks my brother is a jackass too.... he doesn't talk to any of them in that state. We are talking and things are fine then she starts in on me again about going to one of those mommy groups. I said no as I have been for months. I say we take her to parks, and do lots of stuff for her/with her. Sorry that the people we meet at the park aren't hitting it off with us and giving us their number to get our kids together all the time! Then she ends up hanging up on me due to me saying no. I was telling her and have before about how I never know how I'm going to feel until the day of something and even then I can be at an event and have to leave because I get lots of pain..etc. She had told me to put that aside and do it for my kid.
It leaves me feeling raw. I feel like if I am not the crazy one in all the stuff that has gone on then they are all slowly driving me crazy. I went and took a shower and saw on the caller ID she called me back but didn't leave a message. I'm not ignoring her but I just cant handle anymore crap. Right now I'm dealing with endo issues, lupron detox recovery, messed up hormone levels, possible infertility and PCOS now. I feel like why am I even thinking about bringing another child into this fucking crazy family?! Makes me feel like a crappy mom. I have sacrificed my happiness and went to family events for my child's sake, so she could see her grandparents or her cousins even if I was not feeling good or wasn't really feeling welcomed or was verbally attacked. I did that for LO, because she loves seeing her grandma.
As hubby pointed out I need to start worrying about me. I can still do things for my kid but when it comes to family and overextending myself or putting myself into bad situations I just should not do it anymore. I must agree. I don't like feeling like this. My brother was never made to feel like he didn't matter or that he should just die... but I have. Yet no one sees that. All I can say is thank God for giving me my husband and LO otherwise I wouldn't go on with this.
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