I always felt like I would have my kids closer together in age. My brother and I are about 5 years apart and there were always constant reminders of it. Yet Ive felt like the older sibling for a while now due to his dumbass-ed-ness*. I obviously had to try to get pregnant when I was younger than expected because of my endo. My brother and I have kids around the same age because he accidentally got pregnant... twice. I love his kids. Its just like insult to injury that people don't even think about trying to get pregnant, they don't even want kids yet and they bitch about how they want to travel more etc, but they are the ones that it just clicks for. The way things are looking at I either wont be having another child at all or there are going to be possibly a bigger age gap than my brother and I. Which Id rather have a gap and a healthy child than not so that's ok. I just thought life would be different when it came to this stuff.
I dropped out of college due to pain. I did multiple jobs that I loved but I had to leave or they cut my hours way back because I was in pain. I got much more pain throughout the years and its gotten worse. But I NEVER thought my plans for finishing our family would be screwed up. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful for my LO, but I have a lot of guilt. My husband was an only child and had a rough upbringing. I had the one sibling but its so fucked up now it doesn't really matter that I do, hes cut me out. LO loves kids so much. That's the main reason she wants to go to parks, the kids, not the toys. It kind of breaks my heart. I watch my brother's kids and how they have each other and it makes me feel guilty that my body is fucked up. I want good things for my LO so I want a sibling for her. If I cant ever have a kid I will adopt after saving up. I know its expensive.
Just things I never thought Id have to think about.
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