I am still barely here. I am wondering when I wont be sad anymore. This seems like a long rut. Usually its like a couple REALLY bad days but the rest are manageable. Right now its still pretty bad.
Please Pray for good days...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Willy Wonka, Old school
So to try and lift me out of this horrible "funk" as I like to call it. I saw Willy Wonka was on TV, and so I watched it and it was memorizing in parts. I felt like a kid watching it but during some parts I couldn't stop thinking like the sarcastic chick I am. Then I was laughing because of all of these crazy things, and how much the world has changed since this movie was made.
ONE- At the beginning when you see the mom working her ass off and barely scrapping by while the grandparents are all in one bed, clearly not able to help out due to their physical illnesses. Then soon you see Charlie get the golden ticket and all of the sudden Grandpa Joe is jumping out of bed and in no less than a minute of "getting his walk on" he is dancing around. I got to thinking... if I were the mom, I would have been PISSED! Been busting her ass and thought no one could help her and clearly Grandpa Joe was just being lazy.
TWO- When they are at the chocolate river and Augustus decides to drink it. He falls in... does anyone know how to swim or think of saving a child??? WTH?! The ONLY person who tries to do anything is Charlie... a child himself.
THREE- There were a couple different scenes where I thought to myself... when is one of the adults going to say "What the fuck" to Willy Wonka. The first scene I can think of is when Augustus is in the tube and he says he hopes the pressure will last... what a freak. The other one is in the tunnel and all the lights are trippy and he starts singing his creepy song. Seriously...
FOUR- Why don't people use "old" insults anymore, like Twit or Nitwit??? Love 'em!
FIVE- I found just by listening to the songs of the Oompa Loompa's you really are set with life lessons. Take a listen if you like, they are all there on the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKeBgEub6s
ONE- At the beginning when you see the mom working her ass off and barely scrapping by while the grandparents are all in one bed, clearly not able to help out due to their physical illnesses. Then soon you see Charlie get the golden ticket and all of the sudden Grandpa Joe is jumping out of bed and in no less than a minute of "getting his walk on" he is dancing around. I got to thinking... if I were the mom, I would have been PISSED! Been busting her ass and thought no one could help her and clearly Grandpa Joe was just being lazy.
TWO- When they are at the chocolate river and Augustus decides to drink it. He falls in... does anyone know how to swim or think of saving a child??? WTH?! The ONLY person who tries to do anything is Charlie... a child himself.
THREE- There were a couple different scenes where I thought to myself... when is one of the adults going to say "What the fuck" to Willy Wonka. The first scene I can think of is when Augustus is in the tube and he says he hopes the pressure will last... what a freak. The other one is in the tunnel and all the lights are trippy and he starts singing his creepy song. Seriously...
FOUR- Why don't people use "old" insults anymore, like Twit or Nitwit??? Love 'em!
FIVE- I found just by listening to the songs of the Oompa Loompa's you really are set with life lessons. Take a listen if you like, they are all there on the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKeBgEub6s
Fertility health problems arise again...
I hope I don't sound selfish in this I just need to get it all out.
I do realize I have a child, obviously, I love her more than anything. I always knew I would have 2 kids and maybe even a dog. I remember as a child I would tell my great grandma that I would going to have 20 kids! Obviously, as I grew older my number got smaller and smaller.
Then I found out I had Endometriosis, I was told I had moderate case when I was dx'd but then I kept having surgeries and eventually was conned into Lupron. Like Ive posted before, then all of a sudden it was full body pain, headaches, etc and no relief from endo pain either. My endo was supposed to be in remission but since I was told that I had been on continuous birth control pill's for so long that my risk of the serious, deadly side effects were going up and advised to get off of them. So I did, about 5-6 months ago, I had taken breaks from it to have a period here or there previously but nothing like this.
Now, I have been having the Oh to familiar endo pain feelings, so I am pretty sure its back. My only option is surgery as usual, even then its not effective for that long or they keep looking for other things that have to be causing that pain due to the other treatments not being that effective.
After my 2nd or 3rd(lost track) surgery, I was engaged and told that they weren't sure if we would be able to have kids if we waited too much longer. Given, I was in college at the time, struggling with pain from lupron and endo. We decided to push up our wedding date to within a year of the engagement instead of 2+years so that we could start trying right away. What a great guy, I'm sure he was terrified. It took us longer than we had expected but since we had started early enough, I ended up being a tidbit pregnant by the time the wedding rolled around, which was great and we were so blessed. I was kind of crazy about it because I knew what I wanted, I charted my ovulation, the whole thing!
We were going to get a dog recently and I even had one for the afternoon, kind of a trial type thing. One, the people had saved this dog from certain death(it was their personal dog but they run a rescue) so I felt like I was ripping them apart if I took it and two, I realized I cannot do it. I mean, I have a hard enough time taking care of my child plus my health and then to deal with her messing around with a dog.
It brought me to this realization of... I will never be able to have my 2nd child(or even a dog as a replacement) in 2 different ways, my endometriosis is a very real possibility because of things over the last couple of years with it, and that I am in so much fucking unreal pain I can barely stand it. But I cannot even take the risk of trying to get pregnant because if I did, I know it would be too much.
To some people I know this sounds selfish, I used to think so too when I heard people talk about it being hard that they couldn't have a 2nd or 3rd kid. But to me, the pain is still the same as when I was originally trying to get pregnant the first time.... I didn't know I had not gotten over this dream of mine. I thought I had already convinced myself that we would only have our one child because I am in too much pain and I have endo so who knows, why mess with it? I guess, I want it really badly.
I also know I can try IF(and that's a big fucking IF) I ever feel better for an extended period of time, that I could try then(who knows how old I would be, 80?!).... but my thing with that is everyone in my family who has 2 kids who are 5 or more years apart(like me and my brother) are not close, they end up hating each other, big feuds. So this is my window currently, and its slowly slipping away... because I'm in too much pain and my endo.
Last night I had that deep deep sadness feeling... maybe this is why. Maybe it just took the whole dog replacement child idea to make me realize how sad this makes me. I hope this isn't too offensive to anyone because I know and acknowledge so many of you are trying to have kids. I really do understand it.... I just don't know how to feel better or explain it to people. They look at me like I'm nuts(normals do anyways) when I say how I cant have anymore kids because I'm in too much pain and cant handle it... if I just say we cant have anymore due to fertility issues and leave it at that then they leave me alone.
Its just lonely.
I do realize I have a child, obviously, I love her more than anything. I always knew I would have 2 kids and maybe even a dog. I remember as a child I would tell my great grandma that I would going to have 20 kids! Obviously, as I grew older my number got smaller and smaller.
Then I found out I had Endometriosis, I was told I had moderate case when I was dx'd but then I kept having surgeries and eventually was conned into Lupron. Like Ive posted before, then all of a sudden it was full body pain, headaches, etc and no relief from endo pain either. My endo was supposed to be in remission but since I was told that I had been on continuous birth control pill's for so long that my risk of the serious, deadly side effects were going up and advised to get off of them. So I did, about 5-6 months ago, I had taken breaks from it to have a period here or there previously but nothing like this.
Now, I have been having the Oh to familiar endo pain feelings, so I am pretty sure its back. My only option is surgery as usual, even then its not effective for that long or they keep looking for other things that have to be causing that pain due to the other treatments not being that effective.
After my 2nd or 3rd(lost track) surgery, I was engaged and told that they weren't sure if we would be able to have kids if we waited too much longer. Given, I was in college at the time, struggling with pain from lupron and endo. We decided to push up our wedding date to within a year of the engagement instead of 2+years so that we could start trying right away. What a great guy, I'm sure he was terrified. It took us longer than we had expected but since we had started early enough, I ended up being a tidbit pregnant by the time the wedding rolled around, which was great and we were so blessed. I was kind of crazy about it because I knew what I wanted, I charted my ovulation, the whole thing!
We were going to get a dog recently and I even had one for the afternoon, kind of a trial type thing. One, the people had saved this dog from certain death(it was their personal dog but they run a rescue) so I felt like I was ripping them apart if I took it and two, I realized I cannot do it. I mean, I have a hard enough time taking care of my child plus my health and then to deal with her messing around with a dog.
It brought me to this realization of... I will never be able to have my 2nd child(or even a dog as a replacement) in 2 different ways, my endometriosis is a very real possibility because of things over the last couple of years with it, and that I am in so much fucking unreal pain I can barely stand it. But I cannot even take the risk of trying to get pregnant because if I did, I know it would be too much.
To some people I know this sounds selfish, I used to think so too when I heard people talk about it being hard that they couldn't have a 2nd or 3rd kid. But to me, the pain is still the same as when I was originally trying to get pregnant the first time.... I didn't know I had not gotten over this dream of mine. I thought I had already convinced myself that we would only have our one child because I am in too much pain and I have endo so who knows, why mess with it? I guess, I want it really badly.
I also know I can try IF(and that's a big fucking IF) I ever feel better for an extended period of time, that I could try then(who knows how old I would be, 80?!).... but my thing with that is everyone in my family who has 2 kids who are 5 or more years apart(like me and my brother) are not close, they end up hating each other, big feuds. So this is my window currently, and its slowly slipping away... because I'm in too much pain and my endo.
Last night I had that deep deep sadness feeling... maybe this is why. Maybe it just took the whole dog replacement child idea to make me realize how sad this makes me. I hope this isn't too offensive to anyone because I know and acknowledge so many of you are trying to have kids. I really do understand it.... I just don't know how to feel better or explain it to people. They look at me like I'm nuts(normals do anyways) when I say how I cant have anymore kids because I'm in too much pain and cant handle it... if I just say we cant have anymore due to fertility issues and leave it at that then they leave me alone.
Its just lonely.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Down and out
I am not feeling my usual spunky self. I am letting my pain conditions get to me.
I went to the dentist today and had to have something done, and while I was there I asked about things I can do for my TMJ since my insurance isn't answering them about a night guard for grinding. Pretty much nothing.... ok. I will probably end up going to the store and buying one of those ridiculously large ones. Its just a reminder to me how messed up my body has gotten since being on Lupron. Before that drug, I had Endo pain(and still do, probably worse) but that was it, I didn't have TMJ, chronic headaches, CFS, or Fibromyalgia. I didn't have this body that I have now... I am learning to embrace it but its hard when everyone else around you is losing weight with diets or walking and while I HAVE been doing that for much longer, there are no damn results. Some people assume that its not the drug which peeves me even more because I know who I was and what was going on up until being on it. Especially since I have talked to hundreds of other women who have the same exact issues within the same guidelines.
I find myself today getting depressed easily. I told hubby that I felt like crying but didn't know why, just felt a deep deep profound sadness within.... and such a nice guy... he called me(then his phone died), even so very nice. I have read other blogs about health issues tonight about bad things which of course remind me of my fight and how long and drug out it is, and reading how other people don't know how much more they can take... its hard to know what to say because I feel the exact same way... I don't know the answer. Then I read the positive ones about chronic pain as well, even those tonight make me sad because I think of WHY, why do we have to fight?! Why is it so hard for us? Cant we catch a break? How long are we supposed to keep up a facade that everything will be fine, when we don't know if it will be.
I'm overly emotional, I know. I see it, I cannot rationalize it... but I keep coming back to it. I want to call my mom and cry.... and ask when its going to get better. Yet I don't, because I know what it will be. "You have such a good life, you JUST need to lose weight and you'll feel better, go use a heating pad, that's all you can do." I don't know what I want from people when I am upset, I just know its not that. I think I just want to reinforcement of, yes this sucks, yes this isn't fair, BUT I am here for you even if we don't say anything to each other I will be a shoulder to cry on.
I feel like I have been that for other people... I keep waiting...expecting my turn for someone to my crying shoulder person. Ugh...
Waiting for my biopsy results still. I was always told no news from a doctors office is good news but in this case he is the only one to read the result so it could be something and I would just not know it because he is out of town. I'm sure everything is fine with the biopsies though, that is the one thing I bet is just fine and was probably not needed.... ha ha.... ugh.
Dammit.
I went to the dentist today and had to have something done, and while I was there I asked about things I can do for my TMJ since my insurance isn't answering them about a night guard for grinding. Pretty much nothing.... ok. I will probably end up going to the store and buying one of those ridiculously large ones. Its just a reminder to me how messed up my body has gotten since being on Lupron. Before that drug, I had Endo pain(and still do, probably worse) but that was it, I didn't have TMJ, chronic headaches, CFS, or Fibromyalgia. I didn't have this body that I have now... I am learning to embrace it but its hard when everyone else around you is losing weight with diets or walking and while I HAVE been doing that for much longer, there are no damn results. Some people assume that its not the drug which peeves me even more because I know who I was and what was going on up until being on it. Especially since I have talked to hundreds of other women who have the same exact issues within the same guidelines.
I find myself today getting depressed easily. I told hubby that I felt like crying but didn't know why, just felt a deep deep profound sadness within.... and such a nice guy... he called me(then his phone died), even so very nice. I have read other blogs about health issues tonight about bad things which of course remind me of my fight and how long and drug out it is, and reading how other people don't know how much more they can take... its hard to know what to say because I feel the exact same way... I don't know the answer. Then I read the positive ones about chronic pain as well, even those tonight make me sad because I think of WHY, why do we have to fight?! Why is it so hard for us? Cant we catch a break? How long are we supposed to keep up a facade that everything will be fine, when we don't know if it will be.
I'm overly emotional, I know. I see it, I cannot rationalize it... but I keep coming back to it. I want to call my mom and cry.... and ask when its going to get better. Yet I don't, because I know what it will be. "You have such a good life, you JUST need to lose weight and you'll feel better, go use a heating pad, that's all you can do." I don't know what I want from people when I am upset, I just know its not that. I think I just want to reinforcement of, yes this sucks, yes this isn't fair, BUT I am here for you even if we don't say anything to each other I will be a shoulder to cry on.
I feel like I have been that for other people... I keep waiting...expecting my turn for someone to my crying shoulder person. Ugh...
Waiting for my biopsy results still. I was always told no news from a doctors office is good news but in this case he is the only one to read the result so it could be something and I would just not know it because he is out of town. I'm sure everything is fine with the biopsies though, that is the one thing I bet is just fine and was probably not needed.... ha ha.... ugh.
Dammit.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Adventure...Oh boy!
I had thought this whole mattress thing would be a great adventure for my husband and I. Plus my mom was willing to watch LO. Long story short, we bought a mattress at a place that is now closed, the mattress is Sealy, we have a 10yr warranty. There are 100's of other stores that sell Sealy but they have to make it really tough when your bed is all messed up. We have lumps/bumps and sag all over this thing and its only been 4 yrs! You have to take pictures of all the things wrong with it, pictures of your bed frame to show you are not misusing the bed set, tags,etc. Its insane but that's fine just give me my new bed that doesn't suck.
Nope. The closest Sealy factory is a state away. Awesome. That is where you HAVE to go if you want to pick it up yourself. Or they can ship it to you for a nice price, yeah right! Why would I pay for that if I have already paid for a warranty... shouldn't that cover the shipping price?
So I dropped off LO and picked up my dad's truck and came home to wait for hubby. Mind you this is no regular truck. It has this squealing that for some reason just doesn't go away, its not that old an doesn't look bad from the outside but its had this issue for a while. Its their crappy truck that they keep so they can haul stuff, that is pretty much it.
First, I decided to lock the doors of the truck to be nice and not get it broken into or something in my driveway. Then I remembered I needed my cell phone to find the keyhole to my front door since we didn't leave the outside lights on which I had nicely left in the locked truck. Oh.. and its raining like crazy and I am in a t-shirt since with my dad's truck heater its hot or nothing. He had told me earlier that the door locks have to be jiggled a bit. Well I jiggled, I grabbed, yanked, yelled, almost even cried! You get the point. I was standing out in the rain trying to get in. Finally, I gave up and figured out how to get into my house. Then called and asked him what the heck is with those locks!?
The next morning, hubby and I headed for the next state. It started off fine, we turned on the music kind of loud to try and drown out the squealing. I had put on all my nice makeup and did my hair super amazing with hot rollers.... I had joked with hubbs that maybe I could get us an upgrade of a mattress since I looked so good! Anyways, SO many crazy drivers you really had to be on your game. We stopped for food, which you have to turn the truck off for even in a drive-thru because its so freakin loud.
We get to Sealy. WE MADE IT! Victory! The front desk chick tells us to go out to the right. We do. Drive all around to the right side and wait. A guy who works at the loading dock says, go out to the left other side... alright so we do. He comes out loads the mattress with hubbs. Then we spend the next 1/2hour or so trying to tie down a king size mattress into a small Ford ranger bed. Amazing.
On our way back, even more crazy drivers. Its backed up so I'm glad we left when we did otherwise we would've hit that mess! Eventually, I ask hubbs..."Is the squealing starting to sound like crickets at night?... or am I starting to go mad?" He said I was going mad. Figures. But down the road a couple hours back to our house, he says he hears it too. So at least Ive got company in my madness. Then since I have a bladder the size of a pea we had to stop at a rest stop, turned the truck off... and OMG.... are my ears bleeding?! No... they just actually hurt from all that sound. Never again. While I appreciate it, I think I would only borrow it for short jaunts, 1 hour tops.
But we got our new mattress, yay! Still covered for another 6 yrs under warranty. The new bed is amazing so far! We shall see how long it lasts!
The whole time going there, my back/neck was acting up so I barely wanted to talk, it was excruciating. By the time we got to my parents house, I had put my hair up in a ponytail and rubbed all of my makeup off because I just didn't care at that point I was in so much pain. At least I had started the day off trying to look good, the theory doesn't always work I suppose!
Nope. The closest Sealy factory is a state away. Awesome. That is where you HAVE to go if you want to pick it up yourself. Or they can ship it to you for a nice price, yeah right! Why would I pay for that if I have already paid for a warranty... shouldn't that cover the shipping price?
So I dropped off LO and picked up my dad's truck and came home to wait for hubby. Mind you this is no regular truck. It has this squealing that for some reason just doesn't go away, its not that old an doesn't look bad from the outside but its had this issue for a while. Its their crappy truck that they keep so they can haul stuff, that is pretty much it.
First, I decided to lock the doors of the truck to be nice and not get it broken into or something in my driveway. Then I remembered I needed my cell phone to find the keyhole to my front door since we didn't leave the outside lights on which I had nicely left in the locked truck. Oh.. and its raining like crazy and I am in a t-shirt since with my dad's truck heater its hot or nothing. He had told me earlier that the door locks have to be jiggled a bit. Well I jiggled, I grabbed, yanked, yelled, almost even cried! You get the point. I was standing out in the rain trying to get in. Finally, I gave up and figured out how to get into my house. Then called and asked him what the heck is with those locks!?
The next morning, hubby and I headed for the next state. It started off fine, we turned on the music kind of loud to try and drown out the squealing. I had put on all my nice makeup and did my hair super amazing with hot rollers.... I had joked with hubbs that maybe I could get us an upgrade of a mattress since I looked so good! Anyways, SO many crazy drivers you really had to be on your game. We stopped for food, which you have to turn the truck off for even in a drive-thru because its so freakin loud.
We get to Sealy. WE MADE IT! Victory! The front desk chick tells us to go out to the right. We do. Drive all around to the right side and wait. A guy who works at the loading dock says, go out to the left other side... alright so we do. He comes out loads the mattress with hubbs. Then we spend the next 1/2hour or so trying to tie down a king size mattress into a small Ford ranger bed. Amazing.
On our way back, even more crazy drivers. Its backed up so I'm glad we left when we did otherwise we would've hit that mess! Eventually, I ask hubbs..."Is the squealing starting to sound like crickets at night?... or am I starting to go mad?" He said I was going mad. Figures. But down the road a couple hours back to our house, he says he hears it too. So at least Ive got company in my madness. Then since I have a bladder the size of a pea we had to stop at a rest stop, turned the truck off... and OMG.... are my ears bleeding?! No... they just actually hurt from all that sound. Never again. While I appreciate it, I think I would only borrow it for short jaunts, 1 hour tops.
 |
| Exactly... |
But we got our new mattress, yay! Still covered for another 6 yrs under warranty. The new bed is amazing so far! We shall see how long it lasts!
The whole time going there, my back/neck was acting up so I barely wanted to talk, it was excruciating. By the time we got to my parents house, I had put my hair up in a ponytail and rubbed all of my makeup off because I just didn't care at that point I was in so much pain. At least I had started the day off trying to look good, the theory doesn't always work I suppose!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Cut out...
I have been having issues with my brother B for a while as I have posted. Last night he asked for information that I did not have and even if I did I would not give, that is not who I am. So... he said he was cutting me out of his life(which includes my LO, he never made an effort with her anyways). The only difference now is its been said that we are done, instead of just him not returning my phone calls or ignoring my whole family altogether. His Nosey Mistress was involved of course too. I just told him if it is that easy for you to cut me out of your life than at least I know the truth now. To which he started saying crazy things and spouting off about how everything is my fault and how he does no wrong. Oh well. I said God bless you and left it at that.(by the way all of this went down via text message which is truly ridiculous) Went to check my email account stuff and saw on FB I had lost a friend... wondering who it was I saw Mistress Nosey had de-friended me. Oh well...clearly she was involved... and now this morning my brother B de-friended me too.
That's when you know you've been jilted, when you get de-friended on FB....how dramatic!
I am a human, it does hurt. But things really wont be any different oddly enough. He hasn't been around unless he wanted something. I have a family of my own with our own set of issues, I am going to live my life and keep doing what I am doing.
That's when you know you've been jilted, when you get de-friended on FB....how dramatic!
 |
| Yep, this says it all |
I am a human, it does hurt. But things really wont be any different oddly enough. He hasn't been around unless he wanted something. I have a family of my own with our own set of issues, I am going to live my life and keep doing what I am doing.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Biopsy...Schmi-opsy!
I did the biopsy today! It was crazy out though, on the way there this lady totally cut me off and then changed lanes... then cut back in front of me again and started break checking me after I had so nicely moved over so she could merge onto the freeway... ah life! Then after the appointment it was still crazy on the road, I swear people were changing lanes 3-5 people at a time all at once. Half of them didn't use their blinkers so they almost ended up hitting each other... glad I was far back!
The appt itself went ok. The nurse who checked me in, told me I would have stitches, which I wasn't told before this... I don't know how I thought it would heal but I guess it didn't think the biopsies were going to be THAT deep. Of course they weren't going to be dissolve-able stitches, I have to go back in 2 wks and get them taken out. The injections were painful at first on certain areas but after I was numb it was cake from there. But I did find it odd that in my 1st appt I had with the dermo when I was referred, he had said he wanted to make a different appt to do my 4 biopsies because he was going to be out of town and 2 of the 4 biopsies are on each foot in odd places(making it easy for them to get infected). Then at the end of getting all my biopsies he tells me he will be out of town next week while I am healing... so to me that comes off like he just wanted me to pay for another appt. With him being gone next week, I also wont get my results until after he is back which is not very cool since I would like to know that everything is 100% good.
I wish I would've had hubby drive me though but the receptionist I had asked to confirm that I didn't need him to said it shouldn't be a big deal... even with me having a biopsy in each foot. But then I had to go to the pharmacy afterward to get more band aids and stuff to clean the stitches... so I was limping around like a fool and barely able to move my neck. My neck one is driving me crazy... I tried to clean it tonight while hubby was gone and it was near impossible. I cant see the back of my neck without doing a 2 mirror trick which only leaves me with 1 hand to clean and band aid afterwards. Then, I must've gotten the wrong band aids because it kept slipping right off but you HAVE to keep them on it so I was getting so frustrated, plus you have to make sure its not a bit off to where the sticky part will go over the stitch because then you can tear it out... great.
Again, my back is hurting. My pelvic pain is annoying, comes and goes. I had gluten today.... I knew it as I was eating it but it was what we picked up for lunch and I didn't want to run all around or have to stand and make something GF since I didn't feel good. Plus my mentality was that since I already am in pain today... whats the difference?! There is, but I am the one who has to suffer the consequences. I think it depends on what the particular item is though too, because I am not feeling totally wretched but I can tell I shouldn't have done it.
I hope I can sleep ok tonight, and hoping my bandages don't come off.
The appt itself went ok. The nurse who checked me in, told me I would have stitches, which I wasn't told before this... I don't know how I thought it would heal but I guess it didn't think the biopsies were going to be THAT deep. Of course they weren't going to be dissolve-able stitches, I have to go back in 2 wks and get them taken out. The injections were painful at first on certain areas but after I was numb it was cake from there. But I did find it odd that in my 1st appt I had with the dermo when I was referred, he had said he wanted to make a different appt to do my 4 biopsies because he was going to be out of town and 2 of the 4 biopsies are on each foot in odd places(making it easy for them to get infected). Then at the end of getting all my biopsies he tells me he will be out of town next week while I am healing... so to me that comes off like he just wanted me to pay for another appt. With him being gone next week, I also wont get my results until after he is back which is not very cool since I would like to know that everything is 100% good.
I wish I would've had hubby drive me though but the receptionist I had asked to confirm that I didn't need him to said it shouldn't be a big deal... even with me having a biopsy in each foot. But then I had to go to the pharmacy afterward to get more band aids and stuff to clean the stitches... so I was limping around like a fool and barely able to move my neck. My neck one is driving me crazy... I tried to clean it tonight while hubby was gone and it was near impossible. I cant see the back of my neck without doing a 2 mirror trick which only leaves me with 1 hand to clean and band aid afterwards. Then, I must've gotten the wrong band aids because it kept slipping right off but you HAVE to keep them on it so I was getting so frustrated, plus you have to make sure its not a bit off to where the sticky part will go over the stitch because then you can tear it out... great.
 |
| Just slap a band-aid on it, and everything will be fine! |
Again, my back is hurting. My pelvic pain is annoying, comes and goes. I had gluten today.... I knew it as I was eating it but it was what we picked up for lunch and I didn't want to run all around or have to stand and make something GF since I didn't feel good. Plus my mentality was that since I already am in pain today... whats the difference?! There is, but I am the one who has to suffer the consequences. I think it depends on what the particular item is though too, because I am not feeling totally wretched but I can tell I shouldn't have done it.
I hope I can sleep ok tonight, and hoping my bandages don't come off.
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